U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
