I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
