Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
