Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
