grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
