Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
