I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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