Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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