oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
