before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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