I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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