well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
