fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize