Im at strip club and am horny
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
