dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
