I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
