sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize