the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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