I could make wine with my vomit
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
