I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
