I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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