Whod you bang
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
