She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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