is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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