turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize