Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
