I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did I show you my penis last night?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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