Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
