I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize