How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
