she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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