if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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