It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
