A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
