I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
