id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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