After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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