I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
