She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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