Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
