why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
