you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
