She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All the doctor said was why
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
