I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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