it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
