Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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