I seem to have left my pride at pride
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize