If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
