worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
