My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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