her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
