Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
