I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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