Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
