So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
