Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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