saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
