hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
