She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
