I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
