Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just high enough for therapy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
