Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
