Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
