If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
