the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You don't make any sense
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