stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
