Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
