Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
