On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
