They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
