I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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