meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
