I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
