i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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