what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
