she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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