and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
