I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
