Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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