Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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