So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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