You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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