Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize